Dearly Beloved

Dearly Beloved,

I could feel the eyes of judging onlookers burning into my soul as Linden (3) happily marched into the Courtenay Superstore in sock feet. Jackson was a baby and in the shopping cart. How did we get here? Well, let me tell you a little story. 

For months, every time I loaded the kids into the van, Linden would immediately kick his boots off. It doesn’t seem like a big deal, but when you’ve got small children and you’re trying to get errands done in between a baby’s naptime, it feels like that window of time is as though you’re holding a stick of dynamite and the flame is slowly burning up the wick before it explodes. Having to put the shoes back on could be the one precious minute that either makes or breaks the outing! 

I was exhausted. Trying to be consistent as a parent, trying to teach our kids how to listen and why, and then feeling like they’re purposely mocking us in a shockingly defiant way (lol) was wearing on my already frayed nerves. But this day was different. Mike and I had been reading a new book, watching the DVD videos, and I felt empowered to do things differently. My hopes were high. Perhaps today was the day that Linden would listen and not take his shoes off. Perhaps today was the day I didn’t lose my cool and run all my errands frustrated and flustered. 

We got in the van and I said to my sweet son, “Ok, Linden. It’s important that you keep your boots on while we drive today.” I was calm, collected, and oh, so cool. I was armed with my new tools to conquer this event and ready for it. We pulled into the Superstore parking lot, and I turned around to see Linden’s boots on the floor of the van. Ugh. But, I kept my cool. I walked around, opened the door, got the baby loaded in, and said, “Ok! Let’s go shopping!” with a smile on my face. Linden looked confused, “Momma, you mean I don’t have to wear my shoes?” I looked at him and calmly said, “Well, it looks like you have chosen to not wear them, so let’s go.” With a huge smile sprawled across his cute little face, Linden jumped out of the van and enthusiastically marched, with elbows going side to side like a boss, into the store. In my heart, I threw my arms up in the air and said, “Really, God??!! Like, help a mother out here!!!” 

It seemed my plan was backfiring. People were looking at me like I was crazy. Letting a child walk around in NOVEMBER without shoes on? But I pressed on. We shopped and I felt defeated, that is: defeated, deflated, and depleted, as Linden lived the best day of his life. Then, the glorious moment came when we were on our way out of the store. The double sliding doors opened as though they were being operated by singing angels, and low and behold, it was pouring rain. Like a proper Comox Valley November storm had rolled in. Linden stopped, looked at the rain, and I calmly kept walking as though nothing had changed. Inside, I was doing cartwheels while ‘singing in the rain!’! 

Halfway through the parking lot, Linden stopped and said, “Mom! My feet are all wet. I’m cold! I need my boots on.” Annnnnnd there it was. Linden had just learned the reason why it’s important to keep our shoes on. All I said in response was, “Yes, our shoes sure do help keep us warm and dry, don’t they? We will be back to the van in a minute, and if you’d like to put your shoes on, you can.” That was it. No ‘I told you so’, I wasn’t sweating, I wasn’t enraged; I was calm and kind and kept my cool. Linden never took his shoes off in the van again. It felt like the biggest, smallest, hugest victory. 

The book that Mike and I were working through at the time was called “Loving Your Kids On Purpose - Making a Heart to Heart Connection” by author Danny Silk. In this book, Silk shares practical and helpful ways to raise our children with the whole foundation being loving our kids in the same way that our Heavenly Father loves us. In the first chapter, Danny sets the stage by revealing just how powerful that love really is. God’s fatherly love is freeing, empowering, and purposeful. Silk shows us that God’s desired outcome for us, His children, is not ultimately obedient above all else, it is relationship. He creates a heart connection with us, and if we remain connected, the more free we will truly be. Through closeness with Him, we develop and cultivate our character, grow in wisdom, realize our true identity, and can even fail, knowing that we are in the safest place possible to do that. With Him. 

As our kids have gotten older and into their teenage years, we have cherished the lessons we learned in this book all those years ago. Through heart connection with our children, they learn that who they are is the most important thing, not just following rules. They learn that when they make a choice, they are also choosing their consequences, whether good or not so good: i.e., the sopping wet feet in the parking lot! They learn that we are the safest people and the safest place for them to fail. They learn that we aren’t perfect parents, but will always point them towards the Perfect Father, and He’s who we go to for help. 

If you are a parent of any age child (really!), I recommend picking up a copy of this book. We have copies in our resource centre. Parenting is a huge responsibility, and I know that it is everyone’s desire to be the best parent to their kids as they can. Using biblical resources like these can be incredibly helpful! Perhaps this could be your next small group study with some other parents. Pastor Garrett, Pastor Abi, and myself are available to you as young parents, or not so young parents like me, to chat and pray with you as well. It truly takes a village!

Pastor Laura