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Dearly Beloved...

I think I ruined my kids. Forever. 

Parents, did you ever have a thought or fear like that? 

Although none of us ever score a 10/10 on every category in parenting, chances are if you're reading this you don't have to worry about having ruined your kids forever.

This past Sunday I talked about "going back to go forward" and introduced a few things to help us consider the impact that our own family of origin and family tree have on each of us presently. We have been thinking and talking about this further in our Coffee Clubs. 

At one point in the message, I shared 5 Essentials for Healthy Human Development (Pessos). You can learn more in a helpful write-up on these five things here. I don't know about you, but when I thought about these five things, I did wonder about the kind of impact I am having on our children as a parent. What will they need to talk about in a Coffee Club of their own one day? :) 

What if there are gaps in my parenting?

What do my children need from me that I haven't given enough attention to?

Or am I the only parent that ever worries or wonders about something in one of my blind spots?

Don't focus on being hard on yourself. Instead, let's get better. Let's grow. 

If you have the kind of relationship with your children where you can ask them some questions and learn from them, here are some questions we could be asking based on the 5 Essential Needs for Healthy Human Development.

1. The Need for Place

  • Tell me about the kind of people and place you feel like you most belong to.
  • What kind of things do I do (or could I do) that make you feel most connected with me?

2. The Need for Nurture

  • Do you feel you get enough hugs or kind words from me? 
  • What kind of things have I done that has ever made you feel un-cared for?

3. The Need for Support

  • Can you tell me about a time you ever felt helpless or hopeless? 
  • What are great ways to support people when they are in trouble or facing a challenge? (their answer will most likely indicate the kind of support they hope for)

4. The Need for Protection

  • What kind of things make you feel scared?
  • What kind of things can I do to help you feel safe? 

5. The Need for Limits  

  • What's one family rule we have that you like and what's one that you don't like? Why? 
  • If you become a parent one day, what are some rules you will have for your children, and what are some you won't have? 

The Kingdom of God grows best through the family! I hope that this week you parents can enjoy some memorable laughs and some heart-to-hearts with your kids. 

Pastor Mike